


RTAH Hybrid X AU (Original Hybrids)

by QueenCoeurl



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Animal Transformation, Body Horror, Gen, Hybrids, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-21
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6242617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenCoeurl/pseuds/QueenCoeurl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The so called Feral Fever hits AH and the guys try to cope as their bodies change. Geoff is hit particularly hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	RTAH Hybrid X AU (Original Hybrids)

“Leeet’s stop!” Geoff cut the capture and removed his headphones. He pushed his mic away and stretched his back.

“Back’s still bothering you?” Jack asked as he did a stretch of his own.

“Yeah, and I bet sitting all day doesn’t help.” Geoff stood.

“I feel ya man. I think all of us are leaving here crooked today.” Ray leaned back in his seat putting his hands behind his head.

It was a Wednesday, and they had only one more day to film before the long weekend. They’d used up most of their buffer content the last few weeks due to vacations and were now in their own version of crunch.

Ryan rubbed his eyes, “I mean I understand having your eyes hurt, but I never thought I’d complain about finger pain from gaming too long.”

“You can’t stop until your eyes bleed.” Ray joked, but also was feeling Ryan’s pain.

“Alright guys, take five. Go and empty your bladders; we need to start recording again ASAP.” Geoff ordered.

Michael groaned and threw himself onto the small couch, “Just let me die here.”

Gavin came over throwing himself on top of him, “I’ll join you.”

Michael pushed Gavin off of himself and onto the cushion next to him. Gavin protested with a squawk but seated himself properly.

They were all miserable, tired, and in pain to varying degrees, but they couldn’t let it spoil their content. The day was almost over; they just had this last session to record and then they were free to go home and sleep. None of them looked forward to tomorrow when they would have a similar if not more intense grind, should Geoff decide one of today’s videos wasn’t good enough to release. No one envied Lindsay and Kdin who would undoubtedly be working overtime to get everything cut together and edited.

Jack scrolled through his twitter feed idly until a link to an article caught his eye, “No way.”

“Huh?” Geoff became curious.

“So, uh, you know that weird disease that’s been hitting areas? The animal one?” Jack turned around to face everyone.

There were sounds of agreement.

“My wife’s gotten calls to check out some cases when it appeared in San Antonio. They still have no clue how it works or how it spreads.” Ryan commented.

“Yeah, well first case in Austin today.” Jack explained.

“No way.” Michael was in disbelief.

Jack read a portion of the article out loud, “A young man was admitted into to an area hospital today after complaining of an onset of sudden chronic migraines. Doctors report that this morning the man had boney skull protrusions beneath his skin, and these have only increased in size since discovery.”

“So some dude’s growing horns?” Gavin asked.

“Sounds like it.” Jack confirmed.

“He’s luckier than that Oregon lady that started growing extra limbs out of her back.” Michael said dryly.

“I wouldn’t call chronic migraines lucky.” Ray interjected.

                Geoff shook his head, “Does it say anything about the amount of people affected so far?”

                Jack shrugged and gave a quick scroll, “Nope, just says to report cases to the CDC and stay on the lookout for symptoms.”

                Michael scoffed, “Symptoms?! They’re the most generic symptoms I’ve heard of, here:” He opened up a web page on his phone, “Symptoms may include, but are not limited to: Nausea, Indigestion, Sensitivity to light, sensitivity to sounds, muscle pain, joint pain, headaches, migraines, anxiety, throat irritation/sore throat, fever, fatigue, increased or decreased appetite, cravings, and/or muscle convulsions.” He put his phone away, “By those standards we could all be diagnosed with it right now, and all we’ve done is had a long day at work.”

                “Well I assume the symptoms become less generic once you sprout horns.” Geoff remarked.

                Ryan nodded, “Yeah that seems like a dead giveaway.”

                Geoff sat himself back down and scratched his mustache absent mindedly, “Let’s get our last session done and we can go home.”

                There was reluctant movement as they all returned to their desks. They booted up the game, synced their audio, and buckled down for the next hour or so.

~*~

                The next morning they came in early, and grumbling. Their aches from the day previous had only gotten worse overnight, and they knew another full day of recording would do nothing to help.

                “I seriously fucked myself up yesterday.” Geoff complained to Ryan next to him.

                Ray overheard, “It even hurt to shave today.”

This was hardly the first time they had had to push themselves this hard, but it seemed to have taken a harder toll than usual. Maybe it was a combination of their work load, the weeklong heat wave, and the worry on the back of everyone’s minds as to what was going on with those affected by the mystery disease. Since no one knew how it spread and there were no treatments as of yet, people were in a low key panic. Public places were emptier than usual, people on transit had begun to wear face masks, and discussions were circulating as to whether places such as airports and schools should be shut down or quarantined. It was a stressful climate to live in, but as of yet no deaths had been caused by the disease. In fact, the affected seemed to be perfectly healthy after their initial bouts of illness… with the exception of the addition of a few new body parts… The researchers had their own name for the illness, but the public quickly came up with their own: Feral Fever. It sounded scary enough that the media ran with it, and the name became something muttered in hushed whispers the moment anyone so much as complained of illness.

Originally those infected had been quarantined and isolated within hospitals and research clinics, but as more and more cases came pouring in, keeping them out of contact with the general public quickly became a pipe dream. At first, affected individuals often tried to avoid leaving their homes, but that wasn’t always a possibility: sick days ran out, food had to be bought, and life had to continue. They were rare enough that venturing into public without hiding their newly acquired features led to scorn and fear of infection. Some places even refused entry in fear of contamination. It was the unknowns in the matter that made the situation so frightening. The affected were treated like lepers and quickly banded together in support of each other where they could. Tensions were high, but as of yet most cases seemed to be localized in small pockets, and violence had not broken out.

Ryan flexed his fingers before picking up a controller; his fingertips felt raw and weren’t easing up, “Did you see the email Hullum sent out last night?”

Geoff looked confused and grabbed his mouse to look it up.

Ray was quick to explain, “Yeah, the one about trying to avoid any kind of PR or content about the whole Feral Fever thing. Can of worms that thing.”

“Well I mean it will probably come up on next week’s podcast, but yeah it makes sense not to mention it in any videos, especially since we don’t know what developments might happen between now and release. It could come back to bite us in the ass.” Jack added.

“Quite literally.” Michael snickered.

Geoff had finished his scan of the email and switched back to the capture software, “Alright no mentions of Feral Fever. If you do, it will need to be edited out.”

“Honestly, I think Lindsay and Kdin will come for your blood if you make their job any harder this week.” Gavin remarked and grabbed the edge of his desk to pull in his chair.

“We’re doing Minecraft first today, right?” Ray wanted a confirmation but went ahead and booted up the 360 anyway.

“Yeah this one’s basically shopping list combined with the title 14 update.” Geoff explained.

Everyone but Jack gave a groan.

“I didn’t realize we were doing that one today.” Gavin sighed. It hadn’t been too involved a build so he and Geoff had slapped it together about two weeks ago. Matt and Jeremy had helped clean up the build later, but they hadn’t really changed much.

“Alright, I’m sending invites; get your dicks in game.” Geoff ordered.

Once they had all connected they began capture and synced their audio. Geoff teleported them all to his location.

“Today we’re playing Animal Architect. You each have your own pen with two pigs, two cows, two sheep, two chickens, and a wolf. The cobblestone area is your building area, and it’s a safe zone.” Geoff started.

“So no killing in the safe zone.” Ryan confirmed.

“Yeah, and just so this doesn’t take us five years to do, I’m going to say no murdering of other player’s animals. You would not believe the murder spree we had to go on to get these guys, so if you absolutely have to breed them don’t go nuts.” Geoff continued.

“So what are we using them for?” Jack asked.

“Well if you look over here.” Geoff ran over to a constructed example, “We’re basically going to build this Hollywood Squares type deal. Each box is made from one of nine different materials that you will have to gather and build. And then you’re going to lure each animal to their respective ‘pen’ or square.”

Michael opened the chest next to his animal pen, and saw it was empty, “So we need the materials to build the damn thing, and then farm, what, carrots, seeds, wheat, and bones to get the bastards to follow us?”

“Yup, I mean you could technically just shove them around. Also, you need to build behind the thing to make a way up to the middle and top area so you can lure them up.” Geoff finished.

Ray swore, “Welp, I’m not winning this one. Let me go tear down the tower.”

“Don’t be such a whiner, Ray.” Gavin scolded playfully.

“Carrots are a rare zombie drop, right?” Jack asked.

“Yeah, and if we don’t end up getting any in like an hour or so, I’ll just hand them out.” Geoff answered, “No more questions?”

Ryan took a breath, “Actually, if we’re outside the safe zone, can we lure away another players animals? Say with wheat?”

“No Ryan.” Michael answered.

Geoff agreed with Michael, “No animal tampering: safe zone or not.” He waited to see if there were more questions and when none came, “Gooooo!”

The guys scattered in search of resources as Geoff filmed from overhead. Time passed and they made progress in short bursts, each of them employing their own tactics and trying to learn from each other what worked best. Ryan had begun encasing each animal in dirt once they were in position in order to stop them from seeing food as he used it to lure their counterpart. Jack had resorted to a monstrous maze of fences and gates. Gavin was relying mostly on brute force and help from Michael in collecting materials. While Ray had vanished underground for a significant amount of time.

Aside from their usual scraps and the odd accidental blow, the game remained mostly civil. Their banter may have been lazier than usual, but it was passable.

Tensions didn’t rise until Gavin found himself pursued by two creepers.

Gavin was babbling in panic as he tried to run to safety while punching back the creepers with a wooden hoe.

“Gavin!” Michael came across the mess, and tried to catch up to him.

“Michael! Help meee!” Gavin broke into a sprint.

“What’s going on?” Ryan asked as he balanced on the edge of his structure while building out one side.

“Looks like Gavin’s parents are about to bring the beat down.” Ray chuckled.

Gavin ran towards his safe zone, kiting the creepers behind him. A spider had joined the chase and was coming at him from the opposite direction. He wasn’t going to make it.

He was uncomfortably close to Ryan’s structure. Ryan switched to his iron sword and jumped down in a futile attempt to save his last hour of work as the first creeper hit Gavin and removed a chunk of his building. The second creeper exploded and took out Ryan along with half of Ryan’s animals and most of the rest of his structure.

There was a split second of silence as everyone processed what had just occurred, which was broken when Gavin dropped his controller and sprinted from the room.

“GAVIN!” Ryan hollered and stood, slapping his palm down on his desk.

Michael was in hysterics as Ray relayed the action into the mic. Ryan was looking to the door Gavin had left through, but Jack and Geoff were looking towards Ryan’s desk.

“Uh Ryan.” Jack said quietly.

“Wh-” Ryan looked towards his desk and was silenced.

“That’s…” Geoff wasn’t sure what to say.

The remaining lads realized the gents were acting unusually and looked over. Both were stunned by what they saw.

Ryan looked at the scratches in his desk’s veneer. They were a couple inches long but so deep the particle board beneath had been revealed. His eyes followed them down to his fingertips. His finger nails had completely detached themselves and lay on the desk. Their edges were slightly bloody, but it wasn’t this sudden loss that had silenced everyone. In their stead, sprouting from each fingertip was a curved claw almost an inch in length.

Ryan lifted his hand to examine it closer and the claws retracted. He compared it to his other hand. The clawed hand hurt slightly where skin had torn with the removal of his nails, but compared to the aching pressure in his other, it actually felt a lot better. He tested flexing his hand and the claws extended once more, before he retracted them, and looked at everyone that had now crowded around him.

“Uh. Meow?” Ryan forced a small smile.

Gavin quietly re-entered the room, and noticing the group around Ryan, walked over, “What’s goin’ on?” He took one look at the detached fingernails on Ryan’s desk, “Oh god-” he gagged and sprinted towards the garbage. The only noise in the room was that of his limbs slamming into the side of the bin and him coughing.

“Those are fucking claws, Ryan.” Michael had to say it out loud to reassure himself what he was witnessing.

Ryan extended and retracted them again, and then looked to his other hand. He slowly tried to emulate the motion with his other hand and felt the claws push up against the back of his nails and his cuticles strained to remain attached.

“That’s fucked.” Geoff took a breath, “Are you ok?”

Gavin had wandered back to his desk and was actively avoiding looking back towards the group, “His bloody nails came off! Shouldn’t we be taking him to the hospital?!”

Ryan had an idea and smirked. He turned towards Gavin, “Hey Gavin,” He lifted the hand that still had its nails. When Gavin looked over, Ryan extended the claws on that hand, tearing off his remaining nails.

Gavin screeched and was puking into the trash within the blink of an eye, but the others had been equally horrified. Loud curses, swearing, and shouts of Ryan’s name erupted around the room.

“Gavin move over, I’m gonna fucking puke.” Michael gagged but sat himself back down in his chair.

“Fucking Hell Ryan, that’s beyond disgusting.” Geoff scolded but couldn’t avert his gaze.

“Are you ok?” Jack repeated Geoff’s earlier question.

“Physically or mentally?” Ryan muttered, still transfixed by his hands.

“Both!” Geoff clarified.

“Physically, it’s actually a relief; my hands aren’t hurting any more. I mean yeah there’s some blood, but I feel better than I have in a few days. Mentally, well… I fucking have claws, so nah.” Ryan explained.

Ray looked down at his own aching fingers and flexed them, suddenly worried, “When you say your hands hurt-”

“Oh god not you too, Ray.” Geoff’s eyes widened.

Ray lifted his hands to display his lack of claws, “Nope.”

Ryan crouched down and picked up his nails. He then straightened and swiped the nails off his desk into a small garbage bin. He grabbed a tissue and cleaned off his fingers before looking them over again.

“So…” Ryan had nothing to say, but didn’t enjoy everyone’s concerned stares.

“That’s Feral Fever.” Ray stated.

“I think you’re taking the rest of the day off.” Geoff told Ryan.

Ryan shrugged, “I wasn’t lying when I said I felt better, but I can understand if you’d rather not have me around and risk further property damage.” He gestured to his desk.

“Property damage is the least of my worries, Ryan. Do you honestly think you’re good to record?” Geoff was concerned.

“Ryan might be fine, but I’m sure as Hell not!” Gavin squawked from across the room.

“Look, if I can find a pair of gloves we can pretend it never happened, and we won’t be short any content.” Ryan suggested.

“I’m with Geoff; you should call it a day. We’ll figure something out.” Jack explained.

Ray scratched at his ear, “So are we going to assume we all have it now, or?”

Geoff put his hands up in a ‘slow down’ gesture, “Last thing we should be doing right now is freaking out-”

“Too late for that!” Gavin interrupted.

Geoff rubbed his eyes and then spoke to his team, “We can sacrifice Ryan for the rest of the day, but can’t afford a total shut down. I’m going to talk to Burnie and see if anyone else in the company has had…” He gestured at Ryan, “Similar issues.” He hesitated but then turned and left the office.

Michael spoke to Ryan, “I’m saying go home.”

Ryan went to habitually cross his arms, “Fuck!” He reversed the motion when his claws dug into his upper arms “Shit.” He stared at the small red pinpricks.

“Go home and get your wife to trim those.” Jack suggested.

“Hi Honey, could you cut my CLAWS?” Ray acted out the question.

Geoff came back in and quickly closed the door behind him.

Everyone immediately looked towards him and his slightly concerned expression.

“Risemonger, Blaine, and Kerry are down for the count. Burnie thinks Hullum has it as well, since he called in sick.” Geoff relayed the information.

“And?” Ryan prompted.

“He agrees and says to send you the fuck home. He’s worried this could shut us down if too many of us go out sick. We’ve got the long weekend to figure everything out, and he’s already planning a town hall for Monday. We’ll see where we stand then.” Geoff explained.

“From what I’ve read, once the disease runs its course, people are perfectly fine afterwards. I mean, even if the whole company comes down with it, we wouldn’t be out longer than a week or so right? If I grow a tail it’s not going to stop me from recording…” Jack thought out loud.

Ryan nodded, “I’m with Jack. Just because I might end up easily distracted by yarn, doesn’t mean I won’t be capable of doing my job.”

“We’ll draw the line at snorting catnip.” Geoff smiled. It made him happy to see his team so devoted to their jobs.

“The only issue is anything live action!” Gavin spoke up.

“Like he said, he can wear gloves, Gavin.” Michael responded.

Geoff clapped his hands together, “We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” He looked towards Ryan, “In the meantime, get your whiskered ass home!”

Ryan’s eyes widened slightly and he gingerly touched his upper lip, “I don’t actually have any, do I?” He didn’t feel anything there.

“Not yet.” Ray chuckled, but wasn’t sure if he should have made the joke when Ryan still had the very real possibility of growing some.

Ryan turned off his machines and put a few items away, before shouldering his bag, putting his hands in his pockets, and leaving the office.

After he left there was an awkward silence until Gavin broke it, “He’s handling that a little too well, don’t you think?”

Jack shook his head, “He’s really not. He’s acting the same way I would. The last thing you want is to cause panic.”

Michael turned to Ray, “You doin’ okay? I mean you said you were feeling the same kind of pain in your fingers.”

Ray gave him a shrug, “As long as I’m not growing claws or talons, I’m going to go and say everything’s fine.”

“You sure? Just because we’re a man down, don’t think I’m not about to send you home. I’ll pay for the cab myself.” Geoff was dead serious.

Ray gave a nervous chuckle, “Geoff, I’m fine, I promise. Forget I mentioned anything.”

They continued their work day, subbing in Lindsay for Ryan when they needed a sixth player. They managed to make up for the time lost by the incident, but were still short a Minecraft LP. This lead to an argument as to whether they could edit what they had or if the whole thing had to be scrapped. They could wait until Ryan returned and simply have the video as a two-parter, hiding the fact that they had been filmed days apart. Ray suggested that they simply gloss over Ryan’s absence as being due to a rage quit after Gavin’s accident. Lindsay had been filled in as to what had happened between sessions and was confident she could edit the video to make it appear as if Ryan had just dropped his controller and walked away.

None of the options sat right with Geoff, but he had confidence in Lindsay’s skills. So he told her to do her thing and then they could decide whether it was something they wanted to put out.

“I could even add in a door slam to really sell it.” Lindsay proposed.

Geoff nodded and rubbed his eyes. He yawned.

There was a loud snapping pop and Geoff grabbed at his jaw more in surprise than any real pain.

“Holy shit Geoff; did you dislocate your jaw?” Lindsay commented but her concern was real.

Jack looked over at Geoff holding his jaw, “You know you actually can fuck up your jaw from yawning too hard. You alright?”

Geoff removed his hands and tested his jaw’s range of motion, satisfied he hadn’t damaged anything, he responded, “Ow. I haven’t yawned so hard my jaw cracked in ages. Maybe it’s a sign to finally call it a day and start the long weekend.”

“I’m all for calling it a day.” Gavin stretched out his sore back.

“Fuck it.” Geoff muttered as he jabbed at the power button on his monitor, and stood.

“We’re done?” Michael asked.

“We’re done.” Geoff confirmed.

The team eagerly left their seats and began shutting everything down in anticipation of the long weekend.

“Achievement Hunter OUT!” Ray bellowed, and swung his bag over his shoulder.

~*~

For the majority of RT employees the weekend was hardly one of relaxation. Being as tightly knit as they were they were acutely aware of what some of their peers were going through, and it did nothing but make them all anxious as to what they would be coming in to on Monday. When messages began to circulate about some of the most drastically affected individuals deciding they would just skip work, Burnie was quick to schedule a mandatory companywide meeting. He made it clear that unless you were in the hospital you were expected to be present Monday morning.

Monday morning was already setting up a hot day ahead, but inside Stage 5 the dominant attire was one of baggy hoodies and sweats. All the employees had been gathered in their tiki themed cafeteria and seemed to mostly be keeping to themselves. They were unusually quiet for such a large group of friends.

Burnie stepped up onto the raised kitchen area and faced his employees. He wore cargo pants and a beanie, and looked a bit more haggard than usual.

His presence hushed the few voices that had been talking.

“So, uh,” Burnie began and scanned the people before him, “Feral Fever’s hit us pretty hard.” There were murmurs of agreement, “But it’s not something that can stop us. I honestly wanted to have some sort of rousing speech, but let’s just say I myself have not been unaffected.” He pulled apart his lips revealing large carnivorous canines. He then pulled off his beanie to reveal fluffy black triangular ears atop his head, “Yes I have a tail too, but I’m not sticking my hand down my pants.” He raised his hand to silence the comments being made, “I realize this is a highly distracting… situation, but I have faith in all of you and trust you not to let any anatomical anomalies inhibit how you work together. This is a discrimination free work place, and HR is now going to have rewrite some policies to include species as well as race.” He ran a hand through his hair and was still surprised to feel the warm fur of his ears, “And speaking of species, I’ve asked a Zoologist friend to come in and maybe help us figure out just what we each are. In other news, yes, I have a zoologist friend.”

“Show us the tail!” Miles hollered and got approval from the rest.

“I am neither sticking my hand down my pants nor taking my pants off in front of you all.” Burnie reiterated with a twitch of his ears, “Go forth and gossip.” He dismissed them all and walked back towards his office.

Everyone had expected a bit more direction, and felt almost lost.

“We might need to revisit Faunus, now that they basically exist.” Kerry spoke to the other RWBY crew members within earshot, out from under his hoodie.

Miles grabbed Kerry’s hood in an attempt to pull it back, but Kerry grabbed it tightly.

“Miles, no!” Kerry protested and moved away.

Miles didn’t relent, “Oh come on, I bet you’re adorable.”

“Easy to say for someone who hasn’t had to deal with it yet!” Kerry swatted Miles away more forcefully.

“Ok fine.” Miles put his hands up in retreat.

Once Kerry let go of his hoodie, Miles swiftly reached out and snatched it.

Kerry exclaimed in surprise as his hood was pulled down revealing what he had hoped to keep hidden. Tied back with a large hair elastic was a massive pair of rabbit ears that fell down to his shoulder blades.

“Dammit Miles!” Kerry complained, but removed the elastic, letting his ears fall onto his shoulders. It was more comfortable this way, but he had hoped he could have had the reveal on his own terms.

“Oh my God you ARE adorable!” Miles squealed, “Can I touch them?”

Kerry sighed but nodded, “You can touch the ears, but stay the fuck away from my tail.”

Miles’ eyes widened and his mouth opened, “You have a little bunny tail?”

Kerry rolled his eyes and walked away towards his desk. Miles trailed behind him playfully swatting at his ears.

When Burnie had dismissed the meeting, Geoff had rounded up Achievement Hunter and marched their sorry asses to the office. Based on attire alone, Geoff was confident that he, Lindsay, Jeremy, Matt, Caleb, and Kdin were the only members as of yet unaffected. Whether it was because they worked in a separate room, or were late bloomers would have to remain unknown.

Once in the office, the team fanned out around their boss, waiting for direction.

Geoff looked at the array of baggy clothing, before turning around to search for something he knew he had on his desk, “Alright Achievement Hunters. This is Austin. It is summer. I will not have you dropping of heat stroke. Sweaters off!” He found what he had been searching and turned to face his team. He brandished a pair of scissors, “Tails out if you got ‘em. They’re extensions of your spine and you should probably avoid sitting on them.”

Everyone looked at each other to see who would be the first to move. Gavin was wrapped in a sheet that he gripped tightly with mitten covered hands.

Lindsay elbowed Michael.

“Fine!” he responded and pulled down his hood before sliding off his beanie. He revealed his ears to have grown a thick coat of black and white fur. He ruffled his hair, “Before you come at me with the scissors, I don’t have much of a tail. It’s a fluffy grey thing not even a foot long.” He looked to his peers to see who would be next.

Jack pulled a black nailed hand out of his pocket and gestured to Geoff to hand him the scissors. Once he received the scissors, he spoke, “Okay first of all,” He bared his teeth and pulled one of his cheeks back to reveal canines not unlike those that Burnie had. His ears still seemed mostly human, but were acquiring a layer of fur. After some awkward maneuvering he pulled a long furred tail through the newly cut hole in his sweats. His tail was covered in long thick fur that was a light brown until it became white at its tip. The large tail fell to about mid-calf on the man.

Lindsay covered her mouth to stifle a squeak, “Jack its adorable!”

“How did you even fit that in your pants?” Michael blurted out.

“He’s had practice fitting a lot of large things in his pants.” Ray stated, and it got the expected laugh from everyone.

Jack nodded at Ray, “Thanks, Ray.”

Ray smiled from under his hoodie, removed his hands from his pockets, “R and R connection, right Ryan?” He extended his own set of cat-like claws. He then pulled down his hoodie to show off his ears. They seemed to be in an in-between phase like Jack’s: they had become slightly pointed and at their tips sprouted about an inch of long black fur, “I seem to have gone full on lynx or something. I also have a tail, but it is definitely not fully formed and a bit gross. So it’s staying in my pants.”

Ryan laughed in sympathy, “Give me the scissors Jack.” He unzipped his hoodie and tossed it towards his desk. This revealed the furry cat ears on his head. They were a light brown in the front and on the back were black with a white spot in the middle.

The group had seen Burnie’s ears from a distance but they were transfixed upon seeing these up close. The way they twitched with every sound and seemed to move of their own volition was hypnotic.

Ryan was made uncomfortable by their stares and his ears twitched back in irritation.

“Ryan I _need_ to touch them.” Lindsay muttered.

“I think I need to too.” Gavin spoke up.

“Guys, my eyes are down here.” Ryan gestured with a clawed hand. Everyone’s eyes immediately went to his mouth, and he pursed his lips shut.

“Ryan, open your mouth.” Geoff stepped towards him.

Ryan covered his mouth with the scissor free hand, “Yeah, about that, probably should have mentioned my whole dental situation, first.” He removed his hand and opened his mouth for a few seconds before closing it again.

“Whoa.” Ray uttered in awe as he saw Ryan’s teeth. Jack had grown a new pair of canines, but Ryan had grown a pair of daggers.

“Yeah…” Ryan looked away and scratched the back of his head, “There was a lot of lisping and drooling involved until I figured them out. Honestly I’m just relieved something grew back in.”

Jack perked up, “Your teeth fell out too?”

“What?!” Gavin was aghast.

“Lost the first one Friday morning, by the evening I’d lost all four. After the first one my wife immediately went into detective mode and concluded my teeth weren’t falling out, but being pushed out. By Saturday, I could already see these fuckers through my gums. I’m happy they finally seem to have stopped growing.” Ryan explained and tried to ignore his peers watching his mouth. He turned to Ray, “So you’ve probably got that to look forward to as well.”

Ray was wide-eyed, but he had come to the same conclusion before Ryan had said it out loud.

Ryan finished adjusting his tail and let it fall down behind him. It would have touched the floor if it didn’t hold itself up at the end. The fur was a tan colour, and darkened slightly at its tip. Ryan relaxed his tail and it rested limp on the ground, “Our best guess is Mountain Lion.”

Michael chuckled, “Ryan’s a cougar!”

Ryan crossed his arms and the tip of his tail twitched; he knew that was the first place the jokes were going to go. That and-

“So Ryan’s a pussy?” Gavin held a devilish grin, as the others laughed.

“Take that sheet off before I tear it off!” Ryan threatened the Brit, and his tail swung fiercely.

Gavin squawked and gripped his sheet tighter.

“I’d do as he says Gavin,” Lindsay gestured towards Ryan’s tail, “That’s an angry kitty.”

Ryan self-consciously grabbed his tail to stop its movement.

“Honestly what could you be packing that’s worse than what we’ve got?” Jack turned to Gavin, “Just look at Ryan for fuck’s sake.”

“Always supportive Jack.” Ryan’s sarcasm wasn’t lost.

“Got your back.” Jack replied with a smile.

“I don’t wanna.” Gavin whined.

“Well you gotta, or Ryan won’t be the only one tearing that damn thing off of you.” Geoff explained.

Gavin made an anxious noise.

Michael sighed and then tackled Gavin, wrestling the cover from his grasp.

“Micoo!” Gavin shouted as he lost his hiding place, and Michael managed to pull his mittens off.

Michael backed off and let Gavin stand up once again.

“Really?!” Ryan was incredulous, “All that commotion for just a tail?”

“It’s not ‘just a tail’ Ryan! It’s bloody massive!” Gavin defended himself, “And lookit my hands!” He held them out. They had grown small rounded black nails, and dark fleshy webbing came halfway up between each finger.

Jack tilted his head as he took in Gavin’s tapered tail and webbed hands, “I think you’re an otter.”

“An otter?!” Gavin repeated and then paused, taking a look at himself once more, “Meg was saying I was a platypus.”

“Platypi have broader almost beaver like tails. I think Jack is right with the otter thing.” Ryan rubbed his chin.

“Well we always have Burnie’s zoologist friend to confirm later today.” Kdin reminded the group.

Michael rubbed a furry ear, “Yeah Lindsay and I have no clue what the fuck I’m supposed to be.”

“How are you even wearing those pants right now?” Ray pointed out the instant he noticed. The rest of them had cut holes in their pants, but the base of Gavin’s tail was far too thick to fit through some small hole.

Gavin turned around to show the back of his track pants. The seat of his pants below the elastic had been cut out. A draw string had been crudely sewn in and tied the pants securely around the base of his tail.

“Meg and I had a bit of a sewing session trying to figure it out.” Gavin explained, “Still worried they’ll loosen and show my arse off at any moment.”

Lindsay had a realization of her own, “Ryan, are you wearing contacts today?”

Ryan displayed a clawed hand, “You’re joking right?”

Ray was quick to realize what Lindsay’s question was leading to and preempted it, “How do you wear your glasses?”

“It looks kinda dumb but it works, alright?” Ryan pulled out his glasses. On each arm he had tied a loop of string which he slipped over each ear to hold his spectacles in place, “It’s not perfect, but it’s better than a rubber band solution which just ends up hurting you after a while.” He chuckled and pointed to his ears, “Even so the biggest problem is this:” He tilted one ear down and suddenly they rested crooked on his face. He removed his glasses and put them away again. He could deal with impaired sight for now.

“That’s another thing to look forward to.” Ray threw up his hands.

“Now that show and tell is over, we should try to at least achieve something today. I figure Burnie isn’t exactly expecting much productivity today, but we will at least need to get an AHWU out.” Geoff looked at his furry friends, “We can tighten the frame and if we get AH beanies on everyone we should be fine.”

Jack put up a finger in protest, “Geoff, I have fangs.”

“Right…” Geoff took another look at the man, “Alright, Matt or Jeremy take Jack’s part and we’ll write it off as due to illness. Jack, make sure to write everything up for them.”

Everyone headed to their desks except Lindsay who lingered by Ryan.

“Please, can I just?” She pointed at Ryan’s ears.

Ryan sat down at his desk with a sigh, and spun his chair around to face her.

Lindsay reached out and poked and ear, flinching back when it twitched in response.

Ryan saw her flinch, “Sorry, they kinda do their own thing for the most part.”

Gavin looked over, “Are we playing with Ryan’s ears?” He was next to Lindsay in an instant, a poked them just to see them twitch.

Ryan put his hand up and rubbed his ear, “Really Gavin?”

“It’s just so weeeeeiiiirrrrrd.” Gavin explained.

“Then go bug Burnie before I take a swipe at you.” Ryan was joking, but Gavin backed off.

Gavin seemed to seriously consider tracking Burnie down, but realized that would require him to leave the AH office and which meant risking having everyone else in the company gawk at him. He stalked back to his seat and dropped down into his chair. He bounced back up with a yelp as he forgot about his tail.

Michael laughed, and when Gavin began to argue that at least he had a proper tail and not a ‘mingy duster sticking out his ass’ Michael only laughed harder.

Geoff was glad to see everyone coping so well, and turned to his monitors. He could already feel the heat from his screens and consoles, and he had only just turned them on. It worried him; they shouldn’t be anywhere near over-heating. He hoped it wasn’t something electrical. Carefully he reached out to touch each machine and check their temperature. They all felt fine and no warmer than usual.

“Hey Ryan, can you check if my desktop or consoles are having a heat problem?” He turned to Ryan, and couldn’t help but smile when he saw Ryan’s ear turn to face him before his head.

Ryan rolled over and put his hands over the various vents one by one.

Geoff pushed himself away from Ryan as he went over the equipment. For some reason he felt acutely aware of the body heat radiating from the man, and it was an unusual feeling he couldn’t accurately describe.

“You seem to be fine…” Ryan turned back to Geoff and noticed his distant expression, “You doing alright?”

Geoff snapped out of it, and rubbed his face to try and clear the feeling, “Yeah, sorry. Lots of stuff on my mind.”

“Understandable.” Ryan nodded and returned to his desk.

Geoff tried to ignore each monitor feeling like a heat lamp directed at his face, and began organizing his material for AHWU.

Their camera was set up and as Geoff had directed they made sure to have the shot tighter than usual to avoid accidentally showing off someone’s tail. The lads put on their AH beanies and Gavin slipped on his mittens once again. They figured the mittens could be explained away as Gavin simply being Gavin, and Ray once more donned his hoodie to allow himself to hide his hands in the pockets.

Filming went well. Ray opened his hoodie with his hands in the pockets to display this week’s new shirt. Geoff listed off the new games with his usual comments about those with more unusual names. Jeremy recited Jack’s portion almost flawlessly, only skipping a beat when Gavin threw his mittens square in his face.

Geoff came into frame to do the wrap up, “That’s been AHWU see you- Ack” He flinched and then turned back to the camera, “I just bit my tongue.” He looked off screen and spoke away from the mic, “I can’t believe it I just fucking bit my tongue.” Back to the camera and mic, “See us next week!” He gave a small wave as Gavin stopped the recording. He scratched his lower back as it was still really bothering him.

Gavin was laughing, “You bit your tongue? That wasn’t even a hard sentence!”

“Dude, shut up!” Geoff retorted and rubbed his jaw, “It actually really hurt.”

“Baby.” Ryan commented.

“Bite me.” Geoff saw Ryan’s smile at those words and immediately reconsidered, “Actually you know what please don’t: I’m pretty attached to my limbs.” That got a laugh from everyone.

Jack disassembled the tripod and took the camera back to his desk to begin editing the footage, while Geoff put the mic away then threw himself down onto the couch.

Geoff let out a massive yawn, and felt his jaw hinges smoothly slip out of their sockets and move downwards. Horrified by what he had felt he snapped his jaw shut. Had he just dislocated his jaw? He put a hand on either side of his jaw and felt the bone. It felt fine. He moved his down towards his chin and prodded at his jaw while keeping the muscles slack. When he pushed up on either side it moved independently of the other as if his jaw was now two bones instead of one. He stood up abruptly and left the room heading for the bathroom.

“Did Geoff just bolt?” Michael looked around.

“Probably had to piss.” Ray didn’t even turn around.

Geoff tried to appear calm as he rushed into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He headed straight to the mirror and looked at his reflection staring back at him. He could feel his hurried heartbeat so he took a few seconds to compose himself. There was no need to panic, obviously something strange was going on, but it wasn’t hurting him. With a large exhale he watched his reflection as he opened his mouth. He hesitated before forcing himself to open it as wide as he could. Once again he felt jaw joints smoothly slide from their home and effectively dislocate, but what truly horrified him was when the two side of his jaw stretched apart, widening his mouth. He instantly closed his mouth and watched his features return to normal while trying not to panic. He too was a victim of Feral Fever, but unlike his friends he hadn’t landed something cute and fluffy. His blood went cold and he grabbed his arms as the realization sunk in. Of all fucking things, of all of the fucking animal kingdom, he had received the one he feared above any other.

He grabbed at his shirt tightly and pulled out his phone, there was one person here today that could confirm or deny his fears. With shaking fingers he texted Burnie asking about the whereabouts of the zoologist. He tried to concentrate on his breathing as he waited for the response. The two minutes it took, could as well have been two hours, but Burnie informed him that Barb and Gus currently had her time.

Geoff rushed out of the bathroom towards Fort Dunkelrola without even taking the time to reply. He tried to calm himself before opening the door to their office. He stepped in to Gus with the back of his pants slightly pulled down to reveal a small wooly tail covered in curly brown fur, while the zoologist inspected it with blue gloved hands. Barb was seated in the corner with a large pair of rabbit ears standing straight up from her skull. These ears swung in Geoff’s direction as he entered.

Gus turned his head around and his brown fluffy ears stood straight up. His fur was very plush and his elongated ears were near the top of his head.

“Dude! I know you love my ass, but it’s called knocking!” Gus straightened and pulled up his sweatpants to cover the tail.

Barb noticed that Geoff was looking pale and tilted her head, her almost two foot long ears greatly exaggerating the motion, “Geoff are you alright? You don’t look good.”

Gus noticed it at Barb’s mention and his look became one of concern for his friend.

“Can I talk to the zoologist alone?” Geoff said the words a little too quickly.

Gus and Barb exchanged a look.

“Fine, but I want to know the verdict first, Doc” Gus turned to the zoologist.

She made a noncommittal gesture with her hands, “My fist guess was llama but based on the texture and density of the fur, I’m going to say alpaca. It’s not 100% since all I have is a tail and ears to go on, but it’s the best guess right now.”

“An alpaca?!” Gus was in disbelief.

“Alpaca your bags.” Barb made finger guns and pointed them at Gus, “But honestly, at least you won’t be hitting the tops of doorways with big rabbit ears.”

“You’re closer to a hare than rabbit.” The zoologist corrected.

Geoff was impatient, “Guys can I please just talk to her?”

Gus grumbled, but left the office with Barb carefully ducking through the doorway as she closed the door behind her.

“What seems to be the concern, sir?” The zoologist asked,

“I think I’m a snake.” Geoff’s voice cracked on the last word.

The zoologist gave him a look over, “You aren’t hiding a tail or some scales are you?”

Geoff took a deep breath and opened his jaw until it unhinged and split.

The zoologist’s eyes went wide with wonder, “Now that I have not seen before, may I inspect?”

“Please.” He responded.

She switched out her blue nitrile gloves for a clean pair and grabbed an examination light. She began to look over his jaw and had him open and close it a few more times.

“Now can you move both jaw bones independent of each other?” She took a step back.

Geoff tested the range of motion in his jaw and felt the ends on his jaw bone in his chin glide passed each other in opposite directions.

“Indeed you can. Now if you open up again, please.”

Geoff opened his mouth normally, and she seemed to inspect the roof his mouth and poked at his gums in a few places.

“So you do indeed. I mean it’s not fully developed yet, but it is there.” She muttered.

Geoff made a questioning noise as she still had her fingers in her mouth.

“Sorry. You look like you’ve got a little Jacobson opening forming.” Seeing his frightened look, she explained, “It’s a scent sensing organ found in many animals, except for a few primates. It’s the reason why horses will lift their upper lip to the wind, and why lizards and snakes flick their tongues.” Her hand brushed his mustache accidentally and she noticed something there, “Oh my.” She pushed up his facial hair to look at two holes below his nose on either side. They were just above his upper lip and well covered by his large mustache.

Geoff felt his heart race, that wasn’t a good response, “W-What is it?”

She stepped back and removed her gloves, “Haven’t heard of anyone like you yet.”

“Meaning?” He resisted the urge to tell her to just spit it out already.

“You look to be a member of the pit viper family. Highly venomous. Usually spread throughout Asia and South America, but the species found locally, you might be familiar with. It’s the rattlesnake. Of course exact species won’t be known unless you start developing colouration or a tail.”

It felt as if all the strength had drained from his body and he slumped against the wall staring blankly at the floor.

“Sir?” Geoff didn’t respond to her, so she opened the office door and waved his friends in.

Gus stepped in and circled around to Geoff’s side, “Geoff?”

His voice seemed to break whatever trance Geoff was in and he straightened, “I need all the booze.” He hurried from the room.

“Wait! What’s going on?” Gus called after him but didn’t receive an answer.

The zoologist turned to Gus and Barb, “I guess I should move on to the next office. Could you point me to the Achievement Hunter office?”

Barb pointed after Geoff, “It’s where he ran off to.”

Gus huffed, but then gave the zoologist proper directions.

Geoff stormed into the AH office on a mission. He ignored questions as he searched the shelves for his bottle of Jack Daniel’s. Finding it he immediately took a swig and spat most of it out onto himself.

Sounds of concern for him filled the air as he grabbed at his nose and mouth. The roof of his mouth and nasal passage burned furiously as if he had just attempted to snort the alcohol and not ingest it. He began coughing in pain and could feel his friends surrounding him. A hand touched his shoulder and he pushed it away to stand up straight. He blinked free some tears and stared at the booze in his hand feeling betrayed.

His team stood around him. Ryan’s ears lay flat and his tail had curled around his leg. Jack’s tail was limp between his legs. Gavin’s hands were up to his chest in worry. Everyone’s faces mirrored their body language and the message was grim worry.

Geoff met their gazes and realized just because he was scared, it didn’t mean he had to pass that fear on to them. He attempted the Jack again, this time more carefully so that it avoided the sensitive part of the roof of his mouth. No adverse reaction. He swallowed, and was relieved he still had that at least.

“Don’t worry about me, minor panic attack. I’ll be fine.” Geoff put his hand out in a calming gesture.

“Like fuck we won’t.” Michael stated.

“What’s goin’ on, Geoff?” Gavin asked quietly.

Geoff decided that he didn’t want to have them trying to comfort him so he gave them a half truth, “Hey you all got your freak out when you found out you had Feral Fever, so I think it’s just fair if I get one too.”

Looks were exchanged between all of them.

“Late bloomer?” Ray asked no one in particular.

“Yeah you could say that.” Geoff seemed less than impressed. He brought the bottle up again a little too quickly and hit himself in the teeth. He recoiled and brought his hand up looking at the bottle. He made a loud whine that was a combination of exasperation and disbelief as he watched his left upper canine slowly sink to the bottom of the whiskey.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuck!” He moaned. He looked at a bemused Ryan and Jack who had had a similar experience in the comfort of their own home. One thought crossed his mind: fangs. His stomach turned over.

“Yeah that’s probably Feral Fever.” Michael said over the sound of Gavin’s disgusted gurgling.

There was a knock on their door, and Gavin saw it as a good excuse to distance himself from Geoff’s tooth whiskey. He pulled the door open, revealing the zoologist with her messenger bag of supplies.

Geoff turned towards her, “Oh it’s our turn?”

She nodded and noticed the missing tooth, “Oh so you will have fangs coming in. I should give you my contact information because I’d love to see them once they’re fully developed. Like I’ve said, you’re new to me.”

Geoff scratched the back of his head, “Uh, yeah, sure.” He knew he wasn’t going to call.

Since Gavin was nearest her she asked to look at his hand and inspected the webbing. She then moved on to his tail and spent a fair amount of time inspecting his fur. She pulled out her phone and compared several images. She seemed to find what she was looking for and stood back up, “Sea otter. Potentially river otter, but my money’s on sea.”

“Bloody adorable little buggers.” Gavin smiled.

“We pretty much guessed that already.” Jack stated.

“I bet Meg will be ecstatic.” Michael commented, “The real mystery here is what I am.”

The zoologist inspected his fluffy ears, “Do you have a tail too?”

Michael reached down and pulled out the fluffy grey tail.

“Hmmm.” The zoologist pulled up her phone again. She tested the coarseness of the fur. It took her much longer to find a satisfying match than it had with Gavin, “You’re a tough one. Have you had any unusual cravings? Or urges? For example wanting to eat raw fish, or feeling uncomfortable in open spaces?”

“Uh,” Michael blushed slightly, “I may have,” He cleared his throat, “I may have sorta built this pillow and cover fort on our bed that I kinda refused to come out of until recently? Also raw potatoes seem to taste a lot better than they ever have in the past.”

“Raw potatoes?!” Gavin repeated.

Michael shrugged.

“If you ever see me about to eat a mouse, please stop me.” Ryan muttered to Geoff next to him.

“Same here.” Geoff responded.

The zoologist seemed to have a light bulb moment, “Alright I won’t be able to narrow it down to the exact species without any markings, but you are most likely a badger.”

“Honey badger don’t give a fuck.” Ray commented.

“Damn straight.” Michael puffed out his chest and tucked his tail away

The zoologist smiled, “Honey badgers tend to be mostly grey; based on your ears you’re probably a European variety.”

“Close enough.” Michael shrugged.

Jack was next and although she was able to identify him as being a domestic dog, she admitted that she didn’t have the knowledge as to identify the breed. Jack’s curiosity had him almost immediately doing an image search on his phone and looking down at his tail for reference.

The zoologist hardly had to glance at Ryan to confirm he was indeed a mountain lion, so she quickly moved on to Ray. Ray let her inspect his half-grown tail, and press on his fingers to extend his claws. It was obvious he was feline, but it was the ear tufts in combination with his tan tail fur that pinned it down to and exact species. Caracal.

“A what?” Ray had never heard of it before.

“It’s also called the desert lynx, even though they aren’t related. Lives in the African Savannah, mostly preying on smaller herbivores and scavenging what Hyenas and Lions might leave behind.” She pulled up an image on her phone.

“Huh.” It was a statement of thought and not a question.

She turned to Geoff, “As with you, like I said, you’ll just have to wait. No way to identify you yet.” She took a breath, “Is that everyone who was affected in this department? Or at least, affected so far?”

Geoff confirmed, and she left their office to identify the next group.

Ray turned to Michael, “What was I again?”

It was Ryan who answered when Michael shrugged, “A Caracal.”

Ray repeated the name several times to himself.

Jack was already browsing dog breed sites on his computer trying to get higher resolution images.

“Mystery man, Geoff. Have any ideas what you might be?” Ryan tried to make conversation with Geoff.

“No.” Geoff answered with a voice crack, “But the amount of pain I’m in compounded with losing teeth, strongly suggests I won’t be in tomorrow.” He took another drink of whiskey and then seemed to contemplate his tooth at the bottom of the bottle.

Michael noticed, “I don’t think you’ll be able to fish that out. Just try not to swallow it by accident.”

“Absolutely horrid. Disgusting.” Gavin muttered without looking over.

His shirt was mostly dry by now, but Geoff still wished he had another to change into.

The rest of the day was slow and unproductive, as traffic in and out of the office increased with everyone going around checking out what new appendages their peers had gained. Lots of time was devoted to Google and Wikipedia as everyone wanted to know as much as possible about their respective animals.

Jack was elated to finally discover and confirm that he was most definitely a Saint Bernard. He did not, however, look forward to growing the floppy ears, but it was not as if it could be avoided.

Ray quickly grew enamored with the caracal. Gavin, meanwhile, began discussing how he should just commit to the part and buy himself a nice rock. Maybe a pet rock.

A big debate arose later in the day as to what should be done for the podcast. The number of Feral Fever cases was only on the rise, but there was definitely stigma surrounding it. Would they be endangering their employees and inviting harassment? Most had thick skins simply from being in the business, but this was a worldwide issue, and it was an extremely touchy subject. At the same time they couldn’t just ignore it; people’s lives had been permanently changed and this was going to stick with them into the foreseeable future. Cancelling the podcast was immediately decided not to be an option, but trying to piece together a group of speakers solely made up of those unaffected, wouldn’t make for great content.

They finally settled on an even mix. Gus and Burnie would represent those affected while Miles and Lindsay volunteered to represent the unaffected. They would be closely monitoring comments tonight.

“Hey, and welcome to the Rooster Teeth podcast. I’m Gus.”

“Miles,”

“Lindsay,”

“Burnie,”

“And Gus,” Gus concluded the introductions, “So uh I guess we should state the obvious for those listening who cannot see us right now, but Burnie and I both have had Feral Fever over the long weekend.”

“I really love the ears.” Lindsay commented.

“I know right?” Miles added.

Burnie chuckled, “Yeah, I landed a black wolf and Gus, you’re an alpaca?”

Gus scoffed, “Black wolf isn’t a species; I’m not introducing myself as brown alpaca.”

“Well the audio listeners can’t tell can they?” Burnie argued.

Gus’ ears flattened in annoyance and then popped back up dislodging his ear piece for the umpteenth time, “These ear pieces… Made for human ears and not alpaca.” He fiddled with it until it stayed in place.

“That’s actually something I was talking to Kerry about earlier, when he couldn’t decide on a comfortable way to wear his headphones.” Miles began.

“Kerry now having those floppy rabbit ears.” Burnie elaborated.

“Yeah, like think about it: All technology, clothes, and everything is made for what has historically been defined as the human shape. Like yeah, people were different, but they were still pretty cookie cutter-” Miles continued.

“And now some have whole new limbs and completely different ear placement.” Lindsay mused.

Miles pointed at her, “Exactly! How many varieties of shirts, pants, and wearable things will need to suddenly change? Or like shampoos, because I bet you can’t use regular shampoo on feathers and even dogs need their own stuff.”

“God, could you imagine trying to dry feathers? I think I lucked out there.” Gus thought out loud.

“Perfect example, look at Adam.” Burnie started, “Ellis.” He clarified, “I watched him try to type today,”

Gus laughed, “Oh god what’s his WPM? Like down to two now?”

Burnie chuckled, “Probably less. But in all honesty he was just getting frustrated. Your standard keyboard was not made to be used with two inch long bear claws.”

“I gave him a nail file just to remove the tips properly. He had tried cutting them a bit but just ended up splitting them. Still not that much shorter, but at least he won’t be getting caught on things as much.” Lindsay informed.

“I think he’d be better off with a belt sander.” Miles joked.

“Speaking of claws, Ryan’s trying to get out of doing The Patch this week because of his. And well, the ears and tail.” Gus shrugged.

Lindsay made an annoyed groan, “Really? But he’s downright adorable! I don’t understand why he’s so shy about it.”

“I heard about Ryan, he’s a puma right? He’s one of the few people I didn’t have a chance to meet with today.” Burnie asked.

“Duuuuude.” Lindsay turned to face Burnie, “You need to see him. But fair warning before he opens his mouth: he’s got some serious teeth on him.”

Burnie grinned and pointed to his own, “I think I’ll be fine; I’ve got my own pair.”

“They’re actually larger, or at least look larger on him.” Gus commented

“I don’t know how he closes his mouth. Just like using my own as a reference, it does not feel like there is anywhere near enough room between where your lips attach and your gums end.” Lindsay explained.

“Wow. Can he at least talk okay? Because if he can’t, then he can’t be on The Patch. Talking from experience I know I had a crazy lisp and a bit of a drooling problem before I figured mine out.” Burnie inquired.

“He talks fine. I mean maybe the odd lisp. No drooling either.” Lindsay informed with a shrug.

“Maybe we can use him to get a Puma sponsorship.” Gus joked.

“He was one of the first people at the company to come down with it wasn’t he?” Miles asked.

Burnie nodded, “Yep. Had Geoff send him home. Out of all our teams the Achievement Hunter guys were hit hardest, like every one of them.” He motioned for emphasis, “Throughout the rest of RT it’s a bit spottier; like you and Kerry.” He spoke to Miles.

“God I love his ears.” Miles uttered.

“Well that’s the weird thing, Burnie. The main AH crew got hit by it like a ton of bricks, but us back in the editing dungeon are completely unaffected. Unaffected as of yet, I should add, because who knows. I might have a tail tomorrow.” Lindsay elaborated.

“Not to spoil anything for you but the tail takes more than a night to grow in. Just saying.” He then asked, “But really? I did not realize that everyone in that room was unaffected.” At Lindsay’s nod he continued, “And that doesn’t even make sense from a spreading perspective, because you and Michael would have spent the whole weekend together.”

“Late bloomers. Geoff didn’t have any symptoms until today… which then caused him to immediately freak the fuck out.” Gus explained.

“He was in a bad place today.” Lindsay nodded.

“I think I’d be excited. Like yeah, I know it hurts guys, I’ve been informed in great detail about that, but wouldn’t it be cool?” Miles mused.

“Just because we’re becoming real life versions of Faunus-” Burnie started.

Miles and Lindsay laughed.

“I’m with Miles, I think. I understand why it’s scary, and if I come down with it, I will no doubt have a much less graceful version of Geoff’s freak out. I just- it is pretty cool.” Lindsay shrugged.

Burnie mirrored her shrug, “I’m not complaining. I mean yeah it did suck in the transition but now I feel normal. Well ‘normal’. And for our listeners, I just did air quotes.”

“Alright let me do the ad read.” Gus cleared his throat.

The rest of the podcast continued as usual, and the feedback from viewers was supportive and mostly positive, but the real test would come once the podcast went public.

~*~

That evening Geoff had a difficult time. Blinding pain shot up and down his spine confining him to his bed. Griffon looked on; upset she couldn’t help, but intimately knowing what he was feeling. Her transition was far from complete, but she was sure the worst had passed. Two wings sprouted from her back, covered in creamy down, but lacking flight feathers. That didn’t mean the larger feathers weren’t on their way, and the sharp sheaths stuck out like quills. They itched like nothing she had experienced before, but was more than happy to deal with the itchiness over pain. Her tail was in a similar state.

Geoff was face down on his bed and experiencing the fever portion of Feral Fever on top of it all. He grabbed a pillow and tightly pulled it down onto his head so he could bellow a long muffled string of curses into his mattress. There was no way he was sleeping through this tonight.

He lifted the pillow and spoke quietly to Griffon sitting on the edge of the mattress next to him, “If you help me move to the couch, you can have the bed. I will not be able to sleep through this, and it wouldn’t be fair for me to keep you up with my whining.”

Griffon reached out and brushed his hair aside, “You keep the bed. I’ll take the couch or sleep with Millie tonight.”

“Don’t stab her.” Geoff forced a smile.

Griffon extended a wing and looked at the pin feathers, “I’ll be on the couch.” She stood to leave, “Holler or text if you need anything.”

Geoff gave a weak thumbs up as she left the room.

It felt as if an electric current was shooting up his spine. His muscles were fully locked up and tense, fighting his every movement. He tried to lay as motionless as possible to minimize pain but even breathing was sending his muscles into spasms. He’d been downing painkillers until Griffon had cut him off. He couldn’t tell if they weren’t having any effect or if the pain would possibly be even worse without. He could only tell time was passing by watching the curtain smothered light fade to black and then return once more.

Griffon was back in the morning to check up on him and bring him a light breakfast. He was tightly bundled and invisible beneath the covers.

“Geoff?” She asked quietly, not wanting to wake him if he had managed to fall asleep.

She was answered by a smothered moan and the covers shifting slightly. Geoff’s bloodshot tired eyes peeked out.

“I come bearing coffee and bacon.” She went to make room on the bedside table for the plate and saw a tooth that had been placed there, “Lost a second tooth?”

Geoff opened his mouth show her.

“Hold on. Open up again and stick your tongue out.”

He was too tired to argue and did as she said. He saw the tips of his tongue and realized he must be seeing double, but Griffon’s slight gasp alerted him otherwise. He carefully reached up to check. Indeed his tongue had split half way down its length, and he was moving each fork independently.

He put his face into his pillow and swore at maximum volume, punching the mattress. As he shouted he felt movement on the roof of his mouth. He bolted up and sprinted to the bathroom mirror, almost collapsing from pain onto the countertop. Griffon ran in after him, as he lifted himself with shaking arms to look into the mirror.

He opened his mouth and saw a fleshy mass where his canines had once been. Mimicking his motion when he had shouted he saw his own pair of snake fangs unfold from their resting position flat along the roof of his mouth and swing down into position. He folded them back down, his face paler than ever.

Griffon had her hand lightly over her mouth and was looking at her husband.

“If you have something to say, say it.” Geoff knew his tone was being unfairly harsh, but his body and mind were a mess of emotion and pain.

Griffon put her hand on him and rubbed his shoulder with her thumb, “There’s nothing to say.” She leaned in and kissed him on his cheek, “We just wait, and figure it out as we go along. I’m not going anywhere.” She stepped back and looked him over, “Have you seen your tail so far?”

Geoff slowly twisted around to look, gritting his teeth. It wasn’t so much a tail as a large lump of flesh that came down passed his thigh. The skin was an irritated red and was very dry and flakey. He picked at it curious, stopping since his skin felt raw. A faint pattern of slightly darker patches was present beneath the uppermost layer and looked like a horribly uneven tan. It was very clearly a repeating pattern but it was difficult to make out.

Leaning against the walls he made his way back to the bed and carefully lay himself down again, but not before downing a couple strips of bacon.

Griffon knew he wasn’t going to be making it into work today and called in on his behalf. He was a useless lump in his current state but she knew from her own experience there was nothing she could do to help except be here for him.

The pain began to ease up around midday and by the afternoon he felt well enough to venture to the kitchen for a much needed meal. Wearing his bathrobe he rifled through the fridge. He was unaccustomed to the additional weight his tail seemed to add. It mostly lay limp against his calves, but seemed eager to occasionally twitch with a slight pang of pain. On top of it all, it was itchy and all the dry skin flaking off was disgusting. He’d have to make note to just throw out the sheets when this was over. It wasn’t worth trying to salvage them.

He flicked on the stove and immediately he felt the heat as if a bright light had suddenly been pointed in his face, “My ass has dandruff and now I have to deal with fucking heat vision.” Vision was the incorrect word, but was the easiest way to describe it. It was more like a general sense of temperature around him. Generally the environment was ambient and relatively uniform, but anything hotter or cooler stuck out. He could point out the pipes in his walls with relative accuracy, and he could pin point his dogs from two rooms over. It was like heat radar, and he was unsure how to filter or use the information. He could ignore it for the most part if he needed too, but something like the heat of the stovetop was difficult not to pay attention too.

He wolfed down his meal standing up, after a couple unsuccessful and painful attempts at finding a sitting position. Chairs were not designed to accommodate a tail. He figured a barstool was his best bet, but simply sitting down reminded him how raw his lower back really was. He thought about work and was thankful he’d pushed the team as hard as he had last week. They’d still have to play catch up for a bit, but even with his absence today they should still remain ahead for the next week or so. Well, assuming those who had scheduled vacation were still going to take it. He’d understand if they wanted to move the dates after all of this Feral Fever business.

Stumbling his way back to his bedroom he decided to message everyone to let them know that he was indeed still alive. He tweeted a similar message just for good measure.

He fell asleep looking up images of different pit vipers. Turned out that a good number of them had patterned colouration so he was left not knowing what he was. However, his research did confirm what the zoologist had told him about the members of the pit viper all being highly venomous and he vowed he’d get that tested as soon as he could. Apparently they were capable of biting without injecting venom, and envenomation was a conscious decision, but he wasn’t going to test something like that on his own. Until it was all figured out he was going to be highly conscious of the location of his fangs at all times. Now that he was aware of them and their resting place on the roof of his mouth, he found it difficult not to prod at them with his tongue. It was something novel, and he was not used to it.

It was still dark when he awoke, and what had brought him back to consciousness was his left leg falling asleep. His foot was pins and needles. He tried to shake it out only to feel something tighten its grip around his leg. He froze and felt the grip tighten further followed by the bone chilling sound of a rattlesnake rattle. He threw back the covers and bolted from the bed, tripping over his now fully grown tail. When he hit the ground the rattle began anew, and he realized it was coming from his tail. It his sleep it had wrapped itself around his leg and grown the rattle. It was covered in pointed brown scales with darker brown diamond shaped markings that faded away midway down. Right near the tip before it became rattle it alternated white and black stripes.

He unwrapped it from around his leg and stood. It was so long that a good third or more of its length dragged across the floor. Picking off a stuck piece of molt, he poked and prodded along its length. It was a strange sensation watching his fingers poking this foreign limb and then feeling every touch within it. Griffon stormed into the room as he bent over to pick it up. It was heavier than he had expected and he resisted the urge to drop it when he felt the muscles inside move.

“Are you alright?! I heard a loud noise.” Griffon’s half grown feathers were fluffed up.

Geoff brought forward his tail, presenting it while dripping sarcasm, “I’m perfectly fine, my tail just tried to suffocate my leg and then did this:” He shook the rattle violently with his hand.

“Oh…” Griffon was left speechless. She knew of her husband’s phobia of snakes and couldn’t even begin to imagine what he was feeling.

“I scared myself half to death!” He dropped his tail and it landed with a dull thud. He winced slightly, not from pain, but from surprise that he had felt the impact, “Look at me! I’m terrified of my own ass!”

“Ramsssssssssey.” Griffon hissed the name with a smile.

Geoff pointed at her, “Not cool.”

“Do you think you’re actually venomous?” Griffon wanted to keep him talking and focused on her.

“How the fuck should I know?” Geoff crossed his arms and flicked out his forked tongue.

Griffon giggled at the gesture.

“What?!” Geoff gave her a questioning look.

She waved her hand dismissively, “Nothing. You’re just adorable.”

That took him aback, “Adorable?! This?” he gestured to his body.

“Yes.” Griffon gave him a quick kiss, “Now let’s make some coffee and figure out what you can wear to work. I’d suggest a kilt, but I don’t think you’d be comfortable around the guys commando.”

~*~

Geoff came in a little later than his usual, wearing Griffon’s makeshift solution that included a pair of highly modified pants held up by suspenders.

Jack’s floppy Saint Bernard ears had fully grown in and perked up immediately when Geoff opened the office door. Ray’s ears and tail had also grown in fully, and his ears immediately pointed towards the door alongside Ryan’s.

“Geoff!” Jack beamed when he saw him in the doorway.

Everyone else immediately turned and gave him a variety of welcomes, bombarding him with questions. He stepped into the room with his tail trailing behind him. There was momentary pause as they noticed it and then he was surrounded. Questions began anew with increased intensity.

Geoff put his hands up, “Yes I’m fine. I’m dealing, alright?”

“Whoa do you have fangs too?” Ray asked.

“No.” Geoff opened his mouth and brought his fangs forward.

“You’re not actually venomous like an actual rattler, right?” Jack inquired.

Geoff shrugged, “I don’t fucking know, and unless one of you is willing to volunteer to test that out, I probably won’t know until I get it checked.”

Ryan rubbed his chin, tail swinging pensively, “You could try to replicate what they do to milk snakes and see if you get anything.”

“I’m not milking myself.” Geoff retorted.

“So are you like a diamondback? Because that’s pretty badass.” Michael looked at Geoff’s less than impressed face, “I mean: ‘snakes eww’”

Gavin crouched down and flicked the rattle.

Startled, Geoff pulled back his tail, rattling until he spotted Gavin wide-eyed and frozen like a deer in headlights.

He couldn’t help but laugh at Gavin’s face, “Christ you look scared as dicks. I’m not going to fucking bite you - god knows where you’ve been.” He turned to Michael, “As for what kind of rattlesnake it’s probably diamondback or Mojave, they’re pretty fucking identical, except the Mojave is slightly more toxic. Apparently like only 10-20% or untreated diamondback bites are fatal. While with the Mojave it’s about 25-30%.”

“Someone’s been reading up.” Ryan commented.

Geoff turned to Ryan, “And like you haven’t.”

Ryan shrugged in response, “I don’t have cougar attack stats on hand.”

“But do you have cougar phobia Ryan?” Michael pointed out.

“A rattlesnake afraid of snakes.” Gavin chuckled.

“If you consider that they eat other snakes and each other, it only makes it a stranger situation.” Jack mused.

“Fear conquered!” Ray joked and threw his hands up.

Geoff laughed, “Yeah, I wish. This morning over breakfast Millie called me creepy. I couldn’t disagree when I’d been scared of my ass moments earlier.”

“I think it’s really cool. There aren’t many reptiles in the office, so it’s like super special.” Gavin tried to cheer Geoff up.

“That’s true; I mean it’s like what? Risemongler only? At least so far. He’s some sort of gecko. If you threw him at a wall he’d stick.” Ray explained.

Geoff smiled then realized about half the team was missing, “Where’s everyone else?”

Michael gave a noncommittal hand gesture, “They’re here, but probably moping at their desks.”

Gavin explained further, “Ray was right about them being late bloomers. They came in looking absolutely mullered, but I know Lindsay said she couldn’t skip the day, so I figure they’re in there dying.”

“Yeah they didn’t look too hot.” Ray added.

Ryan crossed his arms, “I’ve seen Lindsay come in in worse states. She’ll be fine, but as for the guys…” He shrugged with crossed arms.

Ray twitched an ear to deal with an itch without thinking, and sent his glasses to the floor.

Ryan and Jack laughed as they were able to relate, and the rest of them laughed at his look of utter frustration as he picked them up with a sigh.

“Alright, let me see if I need to kick their dicks out of the office.” Geoff turned the corner and pulled open the door to the small editing room. Its residents usually kept the room fairly moody but the lights were completely off, and monitors were dimmed as much as they would allow.

They each looked like zombies; pale, glazed eyes, and moving in slow motion. Caleb had a sweater tied around his head and was face down on his desk with his hands still on the keyboard.

“Hey Geoff.” Lindsay slowly turned her head towards him.

At her voice the others (with the exception of Caleb) turned to face him as well.

“I’m sending you fuckers home. Shut down and pack up.” Geoff announced.

Weak protests arose but he ignored them and stuck his head outside the door to shout to Michael, “Come drive your better half home!” He went over to his desk and picked up his tail to feed it through the back of his chair in order to sit down. He swiveled around to watch the ill team members slowly make their way out.

Ryan was seated at his desk looking over at Geoff’s back and tail and how it had grabbed one of the legs of Geoff’s desk, “So how much control do you have over that thing?”

Geoff kicked the floor to swivel around to face Ryan almost knocked over all of his monitors as his tail pulled on the desk leg. There was a moment of panic with him putting up his hands to save any falling technology, but nothing fell. He swiveled back, and consciously focused on getting his tail to unwrap itself, “It’s not like I don’t have control over it,” He gave up and unwrapped it with a hand, “It’s just I have no idea how to use it. It didn’t exactly come with instructions.” He tested moving it back and forth along the floor, “It’s super finicky.”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out soon enough. I mean mine seems to have a mind of its own when I’m not paying attention.” Jack commented, spinning around in his own chair.

Ryan scratched an ear, “I’ve been comparing it to fidgeting; when your hands are doing things but your mind is elsewhere. I’ve actually been fidgeting less but if the number of cat attacks are anything to go by, my tail’s taken on that responsibility.”

“My cats were fascinated at first, and swatted a bit, but no actual attacks.” Jack responded.

“Well after the first few times, they learned their lesson.” Ryan smiled, “Honestly, the noises I did not know I could make.”

Ray quietly scooted over and played a sound clip from his phone. It consisted of a loud cougar yowl followed by Ryan’s voice shouting distant curses and some muted growls.

“You recorded that?!” Ryan was incredulous, “How?!”

“Realized the mics had been on when Gavin rolled his chair over your tail yesterday.” Ray explained, “Thought it was well worth saving.”

“Dude, are you fucking serious? Is that really all you?” Geoff leaned over.

Ryan put a hand behind his head and gave a bashful smile.

“I nearly shat myself.” Gavin piped up from his corner.

Michael put up a finger, “As someone who also nearly shat themselves, I can confirm.”

“The fuck kinda noises do you make in bed?” Geoff jokingly inquired.

Ryan looked slightly confused, “Not yowls of pain, hopefully.”

“Unless you’re into that.” Ray added.

With the exception of the missing team members the day proceeded like any Wednesday. Ryan went on The Patch and flawlessly intercepted the stuffed animal Gavin tossed at him, even surprising himself with the accuracy of the catch. They had pre-filmed VERSUS for a few weeks to come, but even so Geoff couldn’t help but joke because next it was Ryan challenging Ray.

“Get like ten mice and release them into to office; whoever catches most wins the belt.”

“I think that would classify as animal cruelty.” Was Ryan’s response.

“You could always challenge me to a nip snorting contest.” Ray had overheard.

Ryan shut him down, “Pretty sure catnip isn’t snorted, and that belt isn’t worth ending up in the hospital with plant matter in your lungs.”

The portion of the team that had been sent home didn’t return until Friday and even then Matt was in no shape to make it in. Wings were one of the most complicated and time intensive structures that could grow. According to Jeremy, Matt’s eyes had also turned a striking shade of blue. Jeremy was unsure of what he himself was supposed to be, but Geoff recognized the irritated skin that marked the arrival of scales. Kdin and Lindsay both appeared to be canines of some sort. Jack helped Lindsay pin down her breed as Australian Shepard. Kdin’s species was less obvious until later in the day when a guffaw became hyena laughter.  Caleb popped aspirin like candy as two spiraling horns grew up from his head.

It wasn’t until Monday that their remaining mystery animals were identified with now fully grown features. Matt was a bower bird, his appearance haggard, and feathers itchy beyond belief. Geoff offered to contact Griffon on his behalf if he wanted advice on how to deal. Griffon herself was now fully plumaged and recognizable as a cedar waxwing. Jeremy dragged in a large tail and was identified to be a monitor of some sort. His markings hinted that he was a Nile monitor, but a lot of the species looked quite similar. Caleb had grown to hate doorways as his tall gazelle horns consistently hit any and all low hanging hazards. It didn’t help that Kdin and Lindsay had taken to seeing who could hang or attach the most objects to his horns before he noticed. By the end of the day they had Matt and Jeremy in on the action as well, much to Caleb’s displeasure.

Time passed and everyone adapted. Whether it was watching their step for tails, or ducking in doorways, everyone rebuilt their habits to fit their new bodies. Feral Fever was quick to spread and very few people appeared to remain unaffected, making the majority of the population animal hybrids. Soon it was very much a part of the crew’s everyday life to hear purring from Ray or Ryan in moments of content, or to keep an eye out for Geoff’s sneaky tail that could pull a chair out from under you or roll you away from your desk and across the room. They accepted all the squawks, growls, howls, chirps, and rattles as simply being another form of self-expression. Animal humour became further fuel for jokes, and the company as a whole did well for itself.

 


End file.
